Just put my picture on a plate

As my little family sat around the dinner table tonight, I could see our reflection in the window, and what I saw was a family of five sitting around a kitchen table enjoying a delicious meal and fun conversation. The mom (me) even had an apron on (mine). I thought to myself that we could be on a Normal Rockwell plate. Well, except for that the meal that we were enjoying was Chicken Tikka Masala, and I was wearing black fingernail polish. Two things that I'm pretty sure Normal Rockwell didn't ever put into his pictures. However, my black polish looked awesome, and the Tikka Masala tasted amazing. My kids devoured it and even little Luke yelled  at me if I took too long getting him his 6th and 7th tastes of the sauce.  Here is the recipe:

Ingredients

• 1 cup yogurt
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 2 teaspoons ground cumin
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper
• 1 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
• 1 tablespoon minced fresh ginger
• 1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
• 3 boneless skinless chicken breasts, cut into bite-size pieces
• 4 long skewers
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 2 cloves garlic, minced
• 1 cup largely diced veggies such as peppers, onions, or zucchini
• 2 teaspoons ground cumin
• 2 teaspoons paprika
• 1 teaspoon salt, or to taste
• 1 (8 ounce) can tomato sauce
• 1 cup heavy cream
• 1/4 cup chopped fresh cilantro

Directions

1. In a large bowl, combine yogurt, lemon juice, 2 teaspoons cumin, cinnamon, cayenne, black pepper, ginger, and 4 teaspoons salt. Stir in chicken, cover, and refrigerate for 1 hour.
2. Preheat a grill for high heat.
3. Lightly oil the grill grate. Thread chicken onto skewers, and discard marinade. Grill until juices run clear, about 5 minutes on each side.
4. Melt butter in a large heavy skillet over medium heat. Saute garlic and other veggies (red or green peppers, onions, or zucchini) for 3 minute. Season with 2 teaspoons cumin, paprika, and 3 teaspoons salt. Stir in tomato sauce and cream. Simmer on low heat until sauce thickens, about 20 minutes. Add grilled chicken, and simmer for 10 minutes. Transfer to a serving platter, and garnish with fresh cilantro. 
5. Serve over Rice. (I like brown or Jasmine)

I should have snapped a picture to include here with the recipe, but really let's face it, Indian food sort of all looks the same. So if you know what any Tikka Masala looks like, you know what this Tikka Masala looks like.

Gracie's Baptism

We're so proud of Gracie!

More of a glass-is-half-full day....

Yesterday was kind of a glass-is-half-empty day. I have those days, I think we all do!  But here's what I focus on most of the time...
1. Luke is a delightful baby. Practically perfect in every way.
2. He is happy and alert and excited about new things. This is encouraging.
3. He has already blessed our lives in so many ways and I know that this is just the beginning.
4. I thank Heavenly Father every day (sometimes more than once a day) that Luke is here with me.

And there are of course all of the wonderful things about life other than my amazing baby boy. (but that also include Luke :) )
1. My other amazing boy. My Sam. Sweet and affectionate. He's got a grin and a hug for everyone. He lifts my spirits daily, even when I don't think they need lifting.
2. Amazing Grace. That Gracie is just an incredible kid. Smart and sensitive. And man is she a great helper! She loves Luke maybe as close to as much as I do...maybe. :)
3. And we can't forget the man that made this all possible, my BFF, Jared. I can't imagine a scenario in which my partner could be any more perfect for me. He is so even-keel and fun and just everything I'm not. He takes care of me in a way that no one else could (or would). I have a lot of imperfections and baggage, but he doesn't care about that. He loves me, and he makes sure that I know it. And don't even get me started on what a great father he is! He is the perfect balance of fun, caring, excitement, teaching, loving and kindness. Let's face it, he's the favorite parent here. And I totally understand that, he is my favorite, too.

OK, enough with the heavy.  Gracie got a new bus driver this week, and that was pretty big news around here.
G: "Mom, we got a new bus driver yesterday!"
V: "Well, wow, that's fun."
G: "Yeah, actually she really reminds me of you."
V:  "Oh, yeah? How so?"
G: "She just likes to wear her hair in ponytails and wear like, lounge clothes and stuff."

Lounge clothes and stuff.

And here's the part where we share our feelings...

It's been a hard couple of days for me dealing with the realities of Luke's struggles. I had a long (but good) conversation with a lady on friday about her son, and how he was born under similar circumstances as Luke. He has severe learning disabilities. In fact, so severe that she is having to quit her job to home school him. (He's 13 now). She cautioned me that her son seemed developmentally normal until he was around 18 months. And by 2 years old, he still only said about 3 words.  The Dr.'s say that this is all due to his lack of oxygen when he was born, and it caused brain damage.  This scares me, because Luke seems like such a normal baby, it is hard for me to imagine that he may have brain damage. Unfortunately, this is not the only story that we have heard of babies being born under similar circumstances as Luke, and are really struggling through life.  My sister Kristin reminded me that we only hear the bad stories. People don't tell the good stories because if their child is fine, there is nothing to tell. I need to hear some good stories. Some stories of success. Does anyone have any?

Then of course there is the matter of his hand. I know that he will be functionally fine with it.  What I worry about is what others will think of it and how he will be treated because of it. For our church youth group we are preparing a 10 day "Walk with Christ" for the girls. I was viewing a youtube video this morning that I wanted to include with it. The music is called "His Hands" by Kenneth Cope. It is a beautiful song. Wow, it hit me hard though. I went through a range of emotions while watching it. First, I was shocked with the realization once again (it happens about once daily) that Luke would not be able to use his hand normally. It kept showing pictures of perfect little baby hands, and I was sobbing. Next, I was angry. Why would Luke be given this trial? It's simply not fair. He is such a perfect sweet little boy and he should not have to live his life with this burden. Then after finishing the video, and watching the life of Christ,  I realized that Luke is special. Yes, he has a deformity. But watching Christ in the video and listening to the words of the song made me realize that it doesn't matter. Someday soon I hope for acceptance and peace with it. I'll admit, I'm not there yet. Keeping an eternal perspective is going to be key for me. And for him, though somehow I don't think he'll have the emotional issues that I have with his deformity, you just want the best life for your child, and then of course there is the issue of wondering what I did to cause this...(I know, I know, you just can't go there).  I think the hardest part for me is that, in my eyes, Luke is perfect. And I know that in the eyes of the world, he is not.

I really didn't write this to be a downer. Writing is therapeutic. I think this is just part of the process for me. I really do try to focus on the good, most of the time. I might have some bad days. My baby is missing fingers, and that is just hard.
Thanks for listening. :)

If you believe in yourself, you will know how to ride a bike!

Jared being the cool high school teacher that he is is always showing me cool youtube vids that his students show him. I can't stand how much I love this one.

School!

These two are gone to school! G is in 3rd grade and Sam started kindergarten!! Gracie of course is loving 3rd grade. Sam is having a great time in kindergarten so far. He's got a lot of neighborhood and church friends in his class, so that's fun. The best part of my day is when I take Sam to school and as he waits lined up with his class, he yells to me from the line "I love you, Mom!" about 20 times. Also he blows kisses in between the yelling. He is the sweetest boy ever. 

Now I spend my days with this cuteness. Not too shabby.

The Darling Luke

I thought I'd give an update on Luke. Business first, mushy stuff after. Ok, the business. We've met with Developmental Pathways to have him evaluated. They said that he was at or above the expectations for a baby of his age. So, that is obviously great. He's been seen by an Orthopedic surgeon. We looked at X-rays of Luke's hand, and the doctor tested his mobility and such. He seems to think that his hand would continue to develop normally, but there is the possibility of a surgery when he gets older to restructure the muscles in his thumb.  He also ruled out the possibility of any sort of syndrome that might accompany the missing fingers. So, for now, all is good on that front. We will of course have to wait until he gets a little older to see how he is able to use his hand. But for now, we are feeling very positive about everything.

Now for the mushy stuff.  Luke is the sweetest, cutest, best baby in the entire world. He's cheerful and predictable and best of all, has been sleeping through the night for six weeks. (he started sleeping 8 hours at around 6 weeks and now sleeps 10-12 hours a night). I am immeasurably grateful for this. A full night's sleep sure helps to make you feel like a normal person, am I right? He has been smiling and laughing for a good while now. When he smiles at me, it feels like Christmas.  It is so lovely to remember how it feels to love your new born baby more than anything in the world. The other day, I saw an apricot at the grocery store that reminded me of Luke, so I bought it and stared lovingly at it on my kitchen counter once I got it home.  If seeing the object of your affection in a piece of fruit isn't love, than I don't know what is.

Oops!

Look at me blogging two days in a row.
Anyways,  I have this baby name book called "The New Baby Name Survey: What Impression Will Your Baby's Name Make?" Love it. Instead of just giving you the meaning of the name you are thinking of choosing, this book tells you what impressions those names make on others. For example:
"Vanessa:
Vanessa has a healthy self-esteem, and for good reason: She's perceived as an ambitious, smart, and sophisticated woman.  She's most likely caring, sensitive, and happy as well.  In addition to being a gorgeous brunette, she's also known to be a talented and versatile actress."
Dead on, right?? ;)
While we were considering names for Luke, I would look up any new additions to the list in this book to make sure it didn't say something like the definition for Hugo (Jared's pick) which reads like this:
"Hugo:
Hugo is a goofball with a large personality.  He's thought to be funny and goofy, boisterous and outspoken- but not overly intelligent.  People picture him with a chubby and stubby body."
No thanks, right?
Well, as you know, Luke's name was not on our list of baby names that we took to the hospital. His name was chosen at the hospital and without the help of our trusty babyname survey book. The other day I ran across this book while cleaning, and realized that I had never looked up the name Luke in it. Well, get ready for this:
"Luke:
Luke can't say no to a wild party. He's pictured as a muscular and tall athlete who's personable and always ready to party down. People say he's funny and nice, but with his good looks, he also can have a big ego and be a player".
All I saw when I read this was, Party down, Big Ego, and Player.
Crap. What have we done??

P.S. I in no way take this book seriously. :) With that being said, if you want me to look up your name, leave a comment and I'll comment back with the definition. Come on, you know you want to!

Enlightenment

After nearly 10 years of marriage, Jared and I have recently made a mind-blowing discovery...
He doesn't mind unloading the dishwasher, and I don't mind loading it. 
Just imagine the lifetime of seamless after-dinner clean-up we're about to have. Imagine it. Did you imagine it? Good stuff, right?

Adventures in Garage Sale-ing

As many of you know, I LOVE garage sale-ing. There is pretty much nothing more I love in life than a good deal.
About every time I go, I see some seriously weird stuff at garage sales. Today I saw some awesome stuff that included:

A book called "Practical Candle Burning Rituals" (as opposed to the non-practical candle burning rituals....which are all of them....).

I also saw for sale at one house:
Underwear (used)
Tampons (un-used, but looked like they came from the 80's and wrapped together with a rubber-band...)
Boxer shorts (used)
Chapstick (yes, used)
(Um, am I wrong, or are these things on the list of things that should probably just be thrown away once you are done using them?)

Pictures!

Who knew getting 3 kids to all look normal in the same picture was so hard!? I tried and tried to get one of the 3 of them today, and this was the best I could get :)

Oh, my sweet boy!

Luke Erickson Neal

I have had a lot of questions about Luke's birth circumstances, so I decided to post it here on the ol' blog.  I started to write it for you guys, and then I ended up writing it for myself, so it is lengthy and probably a little bit too honest. And a warning to men readers: ** lady child-birthing talk contained here.

I had been having contractions for about 4 months. So, when I started having harder contractions the night before I was scheduled to have a c-section, I kind of ignored them.  (When I went into labor with Sam, I ignored those contractions also. If I were ever having another baby, (if) I would hope that I would have learned my lesson about contractions meaning labor...) So, I went to bed and woke up about 10 pm not being able to sleep through the contractions.  I stayed awake for several hours and then tried sleep again. Around 2:30 am I called my Dr. because I had started bleeding in addition the hard contractions. He (of course) told me to get to the hospital. So, since we were scheduled for c-section at 9 am, our bags were packed and were ready to go. Or so I thought as I was sitting in the passenger seat of Jared's car waiting for him to come out to the car! I went back into the house to find him making a snack in the kitchen. He said something along the lines of he didn't know how long this was going to take and he didn't know how long it would be until he was going to get to eat, bless his heart. I then proceeded to let him know that if he didn't get out to the car now I was going to. Freak. Out.(!)
We arrived at the hospital around 3 am. My doctor wanted to try and put off labor until my scheduled 9 am c-section. They gave me a shot of Tributilan to slow my labor. My doctor was tired, bless his heart, too! Around 5am, my contractions came back in full force again. I was 100% effaced but not dilated at all because of the baby being breech. (Gracie and Sam were both breech as well...I thought it had to do with a septum in my uterus that I had surgically removed a couple years ago hoping to prevent complications, but upon further inspection during surgery, my doctor let me know that my uterus is severely bicornate (heart shaped)). They decided to do the c-section at 7:00 am.
During all of this, I was feeling extremely uneasy. As I had been for the 2 weeks prior. I couldn't sleep at night. My doctor gave me a prescription for Ambien, which I never took, because that was giving me anxiety as well. I had lost weight during my last few weeks of pregnancy, which is extremely unnatural for me. Also, I was preoccupied with the idea of having a stillborn baby.  As I was heading to surgery, I was in full panic mode. I couldn't figure out what was going on. I had had 2 previous c-sections, one of which was emergency and I had never felt this much anxiety before.  As they started my spinal, I started to feel like I was going to pass out (which I have been known to do, I have extremely low blood pressure and combined with a night of no sleep and constant painful contractions on top of fasting for my surgery was a super bad combination). As they started my surgery, I felt a huge sense of dread hanging over my head. Plain and simple, I was scared.
When they pulled Luke out, I heard the panic in my Doctor's voice as he yelled for the nurse to "Take him!" The table where the nurses were to put the baby after birth was right in my view. My baby was not crying and I could see that he was not moving. His color looked all wrong. I felt that my fear of having a stillborn baby were coming true. The nurses were rushing around seeming flustered and panicked. All except for one nurse, Lorraine, who I later found out was a nurse practitioner. She grabbed the oxygen and started working on my baby. I could tell that she was not going to give up until he was breathing. I love her. She saved my baby. He did not breathe or have a heartbeat for 2 minutes. The longest 2 minutes of my life.  Before they whisked him off to the NICU, Lorraine held him by my head for a few seconds and let me know that my baby's hand was not normal. He was missing 2 fingers on his right hand. I did not care. All I cared about was that he was alive.
Jared went off with the baby to the NICU and I went into recovery. My doctor let Jared know some of the problems that he saw. He said that my placenta was partially calcified, which meant that the baby was probably not getting proper nutrients and had been losing weight for the last week or so. (which explains why I wasn't gaining any).  The baby had meconium in his lungs which probably occurred because he was stressed from labor. Also, I had had a dip in blood pressure right before the surgery, which could also have affected the baby.
I was not able to see the baby until 3pm that day, when I was able to get into a wheel chair. He was hooked up to every contraption imaginable. He was under a heat lamp, he was hooked up to oxygen, he had a feeding tube in his mouth, he was hooked up to an IV. He was just laying there lifeless. He was not doing well. The neonatologist feared brain damage from the lack of oxygen. We sent out emails and texts to friends and family asking them to pray for our baby.
Jared's mom, Rosemarie, was with Gracie and Sam. Gracie had excitedly planned to get out of school early that day to come to the hospital. She was set on being the first one to see him. In the days previous, she had quizzed me about who might come to the hospital and when they would be there in an attempt to ensure that she would be the first to meet him. She was heartbroken when she arrived at the hospital and was not able to meet her brother. She cried for a while, and then drew some pictures of faces on the cervical dilation chart in my room :)

The next morning, the neo-natologist came in to see the baby, intending to send him to Children's Hospital. However, over night, he had made some progress and she felt that he would not have to be moved. She told me that I could attempt nursing that night. He did so well, for his first try. Much better than I expected.  Maybe because with Sam being born 7 weeks early, that was our biggest challenge with him, feedings. Developmentally, Sam was not where he needed to be to even know how to suck yet. But with this baby being full term, he was ready to suck.
This day was also the day we named him. You may have noticed that the name we chose was not anything that was on our list. This baby was special. (well, all babies are special). But, none of the names seemed to fit him given the circumstances, and Luke just seemed really right for him. Strong, sweet, classic and a little bit cowboy. :) And of course my little star-wars obsessed Sam was right on board with our choice. The middle name, Erickson, is after my loving family. I don't know if many of you know, but the Erickson family was my foster family for a large part of my life. They were willing to let me into their family when I truly needed someone.  When you hear me talking about my "family", this is who I mean. My mom, Marcia just left yesterday after being here for 10 days to help with the baby. They still take care of me to this day.
Anyways, each time we would go in to the NICU to see our sweet baby, he seemed to be improving. He was gradually meeting the expectations that he needed to achieve to be able to go home with us. We were so happy. Jared and I later quietly admitted to each other that, while in the OR, we both feared that he would not make it.
The next day they removed his oxygen to test to see if he could breathe room air. He did great. He started to regulate his body temperature. He started to eat every 3 hours. He started to be more alert and cry a bit here and there. I've never wanted so badly for a baby to cry.
Finally, on Sunday evening (I had gone in early morning wednesday) he was ready to go home with us. We were excited but scared. While he was in the NICU, he was hooked up to countless monitors letting us know if anything at all was not right. I was scared to leave those monitors behind.
The night we brought him home, our kids were anxiously awaiting our arrival, as they had not yet met their new baby brother. Gracie cried. Sam kissed his head. It was one of the sweetest moments of my life, to have my family all together, complete, safe and healthy.
Gracie and Sam continue to be preoccupied with Luke's hand. And to be honest, it is something that I try to not think about, but when I let my mind go there, I am heartbroken thinking of the difficulties he will face. While at the same time, I'm so thankful for him and thankful for his thumb. :) He has two fingers and a thumb, which will make it possible for him to do so much more than if he had just had 3 fingers and no thumb. He has an appointment for an Orthopedic consult next week and we will know more then. He's also got appointments for early intervention therapy for his hand coming up soon.


Luke has been home with us for 2 weeks now. He is eating well and is growing, so we are happy. When I think about his birth, I wonder how one event can be the worst and the best thing that has ever happened to me.  We love him so much and feel so extremely blessed and honored that he has joined our family.
Hopefully, this all makes sense and I hope I have answered everyone's questions . If I haven't, post a comment and I will answer it.

5!

My Baby turned 5 years old! Good thing I'm going to get another baby in just a couple more weeks. For his birthday he wanted to go to a local kids museum.
There is a place there where you can dress up as various animals and then pose for a picture in front of a wilderness-y back drop. Sam kept it real by only posing as a real animal in the wildlife would. (Note his sister's embarrassed expression...)

Sam wanted a Mario Brother's birthday cake. Sigh,...boy stuff. Luckily, Jared came to the rescue to create this amazing cake. Seriously, the photos do not do this cake justice, it was incredible, and Sam loved it. He looked at it for hours.

And that same day, I had a baby shower brunch with my favorite friends.
And here is a 37 week belly picture of yours truly. You're welcome.

Betsy Ross, Clip-on ties, you know, the important things.

We have had some happenings around here lately. Most importantly, Jared and I sent each other the exact same Valentine's Day eCard. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is Love.
Gracie as Betsy Ross for her report at school.
Also, Gracie won a Top of the Rock award at her school for being a "Thinker".
Sam has been wearing his clip-on tie a lot. Here are a few things I've seen him doing in it. One day on a regular old Thursday, he wore a whole suit with his tie.
Jared and his "old-guy soccer team" took second place in the championship games!And Gracie is missing something....can you tell what it is??
(Also, Sam is working on more effectively using a drinking fountain.)

Help!

7 weeks until my c-section....which sounds long, but I think it will go quickly. (Also, some of you might remember that my little Sam went ahead and was born 7 weeks early!!...which I'm sure won't happen again, but still, a girl should be prepared...) Anyways, we still haven't picked a name, we've narrowed it down to the names you see in the poll, but that is still too many! So, please vote for your favorite and then leave a comment telling what name you picked and why. (and then don't be mad later when I don't pick your name....:) )

Name that Kid

We are having a little bit of trouble coming up a with a name for our impending baby boy. Sam overheard me talking about my naming concerns on the phone to a friend today. That boy is a problem-solver, so as soon as I got off of the phone, he gave me a list of 3 gems (of which he was completely serious about) to choose from. They are:

1. Red (or Super-Red)
2. Scooby (nickname of "Scoobs")
3. McGee

Love Hate

Here's the scenario. I'm Driving up to Denver to shop, Sam in the back seat, the sun is shining, I'm not hungry, I don't have to go to the bathroom, so basically all is good in the world.
Fast forward to 2 minutes later.....I am sobbing while listening to the radio, and singing my heart out to, wait for it,...."Jesus, Take the Wheel". Eww, I cringed even writing the title of that song. Everything about that song tells me that I should hate it.
1.It's country
2. It's sentimental
3. re-read the title of the song for reason #3, I can't bring myself to type it again.
Yet, I cannot listen to it without crying. It's like and alternate personality comes out in me when it comes on the radio. An embarrassing personality. I am embarrassed. So, of course the obvious next step is to publish my embarrassing behavior on the internet.
Anyways, I'm curious (and hoping) to see if you guys have any songs, that on paper- you should totally hate. But you actually love the song, (with all of your heart).

I'm in love

I'm in love with my new kitchen and I don't care who knows it!
Remember, this is what we did to make the kitchen livable until we were able to do some major work on it :
Kitchen when we bought the house. Go ahead and say it, Yikes! Remember, we talked about it here.
So, if you need me in the near future, you can mostly likely find me in my newly remodeled kitchen. (Probably either marveling at the abundance of counter space, or basking in the general lack of grossness).

And now for the kiddies...

Happy Halloween from these little cuties, too!

Get it?

Happy Halloween!