Don't Laugh

Ok, so about 3 weeks ago, I decided to make egg salad for lunch. Everything went downhill from there.
I boiled the eggs, but when I cracked the first one, it didn't seem quite done enough, but I had already dumped the boiling water. So, I placed the eggs in a dish and filled it up with water, and then put it in the microwave for 3 minutes. The next thing I knew, I hear this loud BOOM! and I was on the floor covered with egg and bleeding from the head. Did someone shoot me?, I wondered? And if so, why in the world did they shoot me with an egg?
I eventually stood up with a splitting headache and stumbled into the living room (not before removing my egg-covered shirt as to save my carpet from egg fall-out) to look in the mirror to assess the damage. Bleeding from a Flintstone's type bump on my forehead. What in the..?

I returned to the kitchen to see that the entire counter and floor were covered in egg and the microwave door was open. I realized that the egg explosion in the microwave had actually blown the microwave door OPEN, the handle of said microwave hitting me in the forehead, hence the bleeding.
This was my microwave after the incident. And, funny thing, through all of this, Sam was watching TV and not once did his eyes leave the TV.

Anyways, so later, I embarrassed-ly told a friend what had happened to me. I felt like a total dork, what kind of a person sustains a head injury from exploding eggs? Well, this friend, who shall go un-named (keep reading to find out why) told me that I shouldn't feel that dumb, she had peed her pants earlier that day. I'm still not sure if she made that up just to make me feel better, but even if she did, what an awesome friend!! I'm not sure that I could admit my incontinence to anyone, even if I did think it might make them feel better about their hilarious egg-related head injury.

A couple of days later (when I was ready to laugh about it) Jared sent me the following email:

FWD: WARNING

----- Original Message -----

Please read the article at the attached link. You need to send this to everyone you know. If you care about someone, you will want them to know about this. Ladies especially need to be warned about the dangers out there. The women in our lives are so dear, you wouldn't want this to happen to them.

FORWARD THIS EMAIL. If you don't it means that you hate everyone that you didn't send it to and don't care if they DIE!

Let's help keep each other safe.

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn4946-microwave-ovens-should-warn-of-exploding-eggs.html

Turns out the forward wasn't real (probably obviously, but it took jared laughing at me when I asked him who sent that fwd to him to realize it), but the article was! This is a real problem people.

"The girls and I will go this way, Shaggy, you and Scooby check out the basement." - Fred

The other night around 11 pm (Jared was gone at graduation) I was upstairs watching a movie on the laptop and the battery started getting low, so I needed to go downstairs to get the charger. I started down the stairs and then froze on the landing b/c I heard someone downstairs (I'm sort of a scaredy cat anyways, but when jared's not home and it's night time, scaredy cat times ten). I stood there forever listening to see if it was really a person downstairs or if it was just my imagination. I didn't hear much more sound, but I just felt like there was a person down there. So of course I was trying to think of what to do, do I sneak back upstairs and call 911? I mean, how much time do I really have if there is a killer in my house, probably they're going to be looking for people to kill pretty soon, so it's probably pointless to call 911....
well, just then, I saw an actual person come out from underneath the stairs!!! (at this point, I still sort of thought I was imagining a person in the house....)
my eyes were fixed on the person as they came out more into my view.......it was little gracie! she looked so confused and half asleep. I asked her why she was under there, and she said, "underwear"? just kidding. She said that she didn't know, that she just woke up and was sitting under the stairs. She was sleepwalking! and I think I must have woken her up when I started down the stairs.
scared the bejeesies out me. the. bejeesies.
the end.